Things I Never Thought I Would Say

Look at that, I’m getting stretch marks on my hips.

Huh, they’re starting to jiggle a little.  Might be time to experiment with bras. 

Do these pants make my bulge too visible?

You know, it’s only been a few years but I’m having a hard time remembering what it was like being male.

Put the razor down Ellee, if you take one more swipe across your face you’ll bleed out and die.

Why did I ever care to watch porn?

Penis jokes just aren’t all that funny.

So this is what it’s like being a minority.

I just want to cuddle.

(unable to shave the stubble away) Well, looks like it’s going to be another bad face day. 

Fuck it, I’m using the women’s bathroom.

I think I’m the reverse of an alien abductee.  I’m an alien stranded on Earth.

True, my voice is low, but I’ve got killer legs. 

You’re a gay guy? Sure we can cuddle. Just don’t call me your boy.

That’s a gorgeous skirt, but I’d have to get new shoes to match

Yes, sir, those are contraceptives (my little blue testosterone blockers), yep that’s exactly what they are because I’m a sexually active woman who doesn’t want a baby.

Is it wierd to want a period?

I really can’t tell if anyone is staring at me, because I stare at them first.

I don’t know what a “woman” is either.  But whatever they are, I’m one of them.


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