I never really understood you. I wish I did. But I never did and still don’t. I never understood women that much either. But now that I am aware of my womanhood, now that I’m spending more time with them as a fellow female friend, I’ve learned at least one thing. They openly express how they feel. And they feel a lot. They are conflicted and confident at the same time. Angry and gentle. Afraid and determined. And I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that men are no different. They only act like they’re different.
I’m not saying men should act like women. If I were looking for a man, I’d just want one who could dig deep into himself, know himself, and be willing to open up and be vulnerable and talk about what he discovers. He could be strong and tough and protective or whatever he is, just talk to us more. Don’t talk to my body. (I like compliments, don’t misunderstand) Talk to ME. Open up. Be vulnerable for a while. These are not traits that are limited to women. These make a complete human. For some reason society has told us that women are vulnerable and cry a lot and do all the emotional talking and it’s all bullshit. Vulnerability, open communication, being aware of one’s emotions and discussing them – these are qualities that make for a better society. A better marriage. A better relationship. A better sense of self.
Maybe this all sounds contradictory to my identity as a transgender woman. To be honest, I can’t answer the question “what makes me a woman” I just know I am. But I do know that it isn’t social conventions that make me a woman. I took that trip way down deep. I stripped myself of everything I knew about gender, about myself, and simply asked “what am I”? For me, the answer was a drastic one. For other’s it’s simply a stronger sense of the self you already are. A stronger grip on what you want and need and a greater understanding of what you are capable of. For most people, it’s not about gender at all.
Think of Spock in “Star Trek: The Voyage Home” where he is taking a test at a computer terminal and the computer finally asks “how do you feel?” Remember how stumped Spock was. Remember how irrelevant he felt the question was. Well, it’s not irrelevant. In my opinion, it’s the most important question a person could ask, and the most difficult but also most valuable question we can try to answer.
For whatever reason, women don’t seem to ever have much of a problem with this question. At least not compared to men. I know I’m generalizing. But just think about how often we’ve heard the phrase “what do women want?” Well we’ve been telling you what we want for ages. I think at this point, one of the things we want if for you to tell us what you want. Tell us what are you feeling. Be the complex creatures we know you must be.